For the Newbies!!

Be clear on your why

Know why you are going: curiosity, fun, connection, exploration, or community.

Make sure it is your choice, not pressure from a partner or group.

Remind yourself: showing up does not obligate you to do anything.

Set your boundaries before you go

Make a simple Yes / Maybe (ask first) / No list.

Decide what is okay: kissing, touching, oral, penetration, watching only, etc.

Decide whether you are open to same-room only or separating.

Create a partner agreement (if attending with a partner)

How will you check in during the night?

What happens if one of you gets uncomfortable?

Can either person veto a situation with no debate?

Will you stay together the whole night or allow separate interactions?

Can contact information be exchanged after the event?

Choose a check-in signal or safe word

Use a code word, phrase, hand signal, or text message.

Pick something easy and natural so you can pause without explaining in public.

Decide your exit plan in advance

Arrange your own transportation if possible or make sure you can leave easily.

Agree ahead of time that leaving early is always allowed.

No guilt and no arguing if someone wants to go.

Handle sexual health before the event

Agree on condom and barrier use.

Know your recent STI testing status and expectations for disclosure.

Bring your own supplies so you are not relying on anyone else.

Choose clothes that help you feel confident

Wear something that feels sexy and comfortable to move in.

Bring a cover-up or backup outfit if that helps you feel more relaxed.

Wear shoes you can actually stand and walk in.

Eat, hydrate, and pace yourself

Eat before you go and drink water.

Avoid getting too intoxicated or too altered to make clear choices.

Learn the house or venue rules

Confirm consent rules, no-photo policy, dress code, and any guest restrictions.

Ask whether there are hosts or staff you can go to if you feel uncomfortable.

Give yourself permission to observe only

A first party can be a social night or a vibe check.

You do not have to perform or make anything happen.

Practice consent language before you go

Examples: No thank you. I am just watching tonight. I need to check in with my partner. I changed my mind.

Plan for aftercare and debrief

Decide how you want to reconnect after the event: food, shower, cuddles, sleep, or a next-day talk.

Use a simple debrief: What felt good? What felt weird? What do I want more or less of next time?

Keep privacy in mind

Decide what personal info you will share (name, number, social media).

Respect other people's privacy and the rules of the space.

Beginner-friendly starter ground rules (optional)

Stay together the whole night.

Keep it social or soft-touch only for the first event.

Set an alcohol limit.

One person says stop = both stop.

Leave together and debrief afterward.